Here I sit.
It’s the day after Valentine’s Day and all I can think about are boys.
Now, don’t roll your eyes; I promise I’m going somewhere with this that doesn’t make you want to hit me over the head with a newspaper.
I’ve been thinking about boys because, for the longest time, no one has been able to explain them in a way that’s easily understood. I’m a bit sick of the Cosmo and Glamour articles about the insights into men and their psyches, because ain’t nobody got time to sift through a man’s psyche; unless you’re getting paid for it. So here I go.
I’d like to argue that to explain the way a boy operates is to explain how public transportation operates.
1. Public transportation is always going somewhere. When you get on for the ride, you may not always know where you’re going, but you know that you can always get off at the next stop if need be to reevaluate.
2. The next stop isn’t always easy to find. Sometimes you leave the bus or subway before your stop, leaving you to walk another six blocks in your heels. And then sometimes you fall asleep, leaving you stranded in the middle of nowhere wishing your mom could just come save you.
3. You can chase and chase that public transportation until you’re blue in the face, but there’s a 95% chance it’s not going to stop for you and you’re just wasting your time and energy trying.
4. But then there is that 5% chance that the public transportation operator wants to make your day and decides stops everything so that you get your chance to get to your destination on time.
5. If you get into a subway, bus or cab and it’s a mess from the previous tenants, do your best avoid any and all of it because it’s not your job to clean it up. Although, it may be nice of you to throw away any of the junk lying around you if you get the chance.
6. Sometimes the way you act or appear will get you a better seat. Always be nice…unless it’s crowded and you’re stuck standing while the guy who’s manspreading is taking up two seats.
7. There will be the creep-os who stare at you for, like, at least four blocks, but know that you can (a) avoid all possible contact with them and run away as fast as you can after you get off at your stop or (b) call them out on it and then maybe they’ll leave you alone.
8. When you’re stuck in a traffic jam and can’t get to where you want to be on time, it may feel good to vent a little road rage, but it’s really just best to be patient and know that the blockage will pass and you’ll get to where you’re headed eventually.
9. If you do miss your specific mode of public transportation, you can always wait for the next one because another one ALWAYS comes along. It may be 5 minutes or it may be an hour, but another one always comes around again.
Until next time,