The Lies We Tell

Everyone lies, and that’s the truth.

Whether it be little white lies about why we have to leave the office a bit early or big fat lies like when your friend calls, asking if you watered her plant while she was away for 2 weeks, only to be standing in line at your local greenhouse buying it’s replica replacement as you speak.

But most times, we lie to make ourselves sound better to the person we are telling the lie to.

For instance, on a first date.

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard friends come back from first dates panicked because they say things like how they talked for 20 minutes about how much they both love to ski, but she actually doesn’t know how to ski.

It’s these little lies that everyone tells on first dates to make them go just a bit smoother, because you’ll do just about anything to avoid any awkward silences. Besides, if things go well (hopefully) you’ll both laugh later on about how stupid those little white lies were and if things don’t go well, you’ve come away unscathed and none the wiser.

white lies

I mean, they’re just little ones, right?

Here is my list of frequent little white lies that I’ve told or have heard my friends tell on first dates:

1. “Sorry I was late! Traffic was a nightmare!!”

Translation: “I’d rather be late than ugly. Do you think winged eyeliner and perfectly curled hair just happens?!”

2. “Yeah, I had to bring my tote bag because I just got off from work. I usually carry a LOT smaller of a bag.”

Translation: “I always carry a tote. Always. And I’ll probably spend at least 10 minutes of our date looking through it to find my chapstick. But now I’m making a mental note to carry my cross-body bag for the next date.”

3. “Yeah, I totally love soccer! FIFA World Cup was constantly on my TV last summer!…Favorite player? That Ronaldo guy is really good!”

Translation: “Soccer? Sure…I could like soccer. Besides, Ronaldo’s hot!!”

4. “I don’t really want mushrooms on the pizza because I’m not really feeling them tonight.”

Translation: “If one freaking mushroom touches my slice of pizza I’m going to barf. But I can tell you really like them, so they can go on half. HALF.”

5. “I mean, I’m usually a dog person, but I really like cats too!”

Translation: “I mean, if you have a cat, it’s not a deal-breaker…but my dog would totally tear apart your little ball of fluff.”

6. “I think flat brims look stupid…but you’ve got the right face shape to pull them off, for sure.”

Translation: “Flat brims? You’re a 25 year old young professional and you wear a flat brim to a date? Fail. But you’re cute so I’ll let you wear it…just this once though.”

7. “Sure you can have my last cheese curd!”

Translation: “I DON’T SHARE CHEESE CURDS!!!!! Why would you even ask such a dumb question?!?!”

8. “No, I’ve never dyed my hair. All natural blonde!”

Translation: “I mean I have highlights, but my colorist blends them so well that he wouldn’t be able to prove me wrong anyway.”

9. “Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?…no?…Oh, me either, but my roommate’s obsessed with it.”

Translation: “Of course I watch Grey’s!! And Scandal!! And How to Get Away With Murder!! Shondaland for life!!!!!!! But obviously I don’t want to seem like I don’t have a life…so I’ll hold back my Shonda Obsession until the 5th date.”

10. “You were playing video games before you came here? Oh, I used to love playing! I think they’re a great way to let off steam.”

Translation: “The last true video game I played was Mario Kart and that’s only because my friends and I were “drunk driving” for our pregame, so I don’t really think that’s the same as sitting in a dark room alone, for hours on end, shooting fake random terrorist people.”

11. “You only left a 10% tip?…Yeah, he did take too long to bring us our second beers.”

Translation: “You cheapskate!” *sneaks another $5 into the bill fold and gives a sorry look to the waiter on the way out*

12. “Yeah, let’s get together next week!!…Yeah a quick run sounds fun!”

Translation: “I mean I like to run, but do I really need you to see me all sweaty and gross the second time we meet up? Probs not. I’ll just channel the super photogenic dude, I suppose.

13. “Oh, sorry I didn’t text back right away. I’ve been super busy!”

Translation: “Oh, I got your text the second it came in. But I can’t text you back right away; that would make me look like I have no life.” *starts yet another House of Cards episode*

Oh, the dating games we play…all’s fair in love and war, right? 😉

Until next time,

C. Brooks

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